Mono-Log

 Nice breezes come into the room from the widely open windows. I'm pleased as winds blow on the surface of my sweaty skin. This is a small Japanese style gymnasium that was built as a model case for Judo and Kendo practices in high school. A long and narrow frame which has the words "DEFENCE, OFFENCE, INDEPENDENCE" is looking down us. A spark of lightning has came down over my head. I cut the upper strike off by cutting each other at the same time. I moved ahead and stuck out my left hipbone. It was hit against the hipbone of the partner. The standing figure of the partner collapsed and fell down, and he slipped to the wall by his back. After that, he stood up slowly and said,

 "It has not still reached OFFENCE."

 "OK, ends up, wont's you?"

 "Is it the time now?"

 "Yah, I have an appointment for meeting a person."

 "The person who was in the beach the other day?"

 "Did you see?"

 "You seemed hot."

 "Because it's summer time,isn't it?"

 The practice in the morning makes me refresh. I parry Kei's talk and go into the shower room. The water which flows on the surface of skin will be tyny balls. As I feel that the sweat which stuck to my body won't be wiped, I turn the cook and raise the scale. Bubble jet flow strikes my skin. I feel it comfortable. I heard a voice from the next booth divided with a wall.

 "What? I can't hear you."

 "What's the first lecture?"

 "I didn't check it."

 "Same as me."

 "That means you and I are friends."

 "Like attracts like."

 "Yes, indeed."

 I took a shower and became a simple appearance. I walked to the way to the library quickly. When I turn at a corner, I meet her walking on the connecting corridor. When I raise my left hand, she raises her right hand.

 "Did you wait?"

 "No, I came here just now."

 "Happy birthday! Just a bit earlier though, here it is."

 "Thank you. What is it?"

 "The collection of happy poems."

    Common happiness

    Sky is blue.
    Clouds are floating in the air.
    Leaves are rustling in winds.

 "I agree. Thank you."

 "Is it? Sounds good. How's everything?"

 "Just so-so."

 "Not that."

 "You mean Etsu?"

 "Right."

 "No big change."

 "Is it? It may be wait-and-see, isn't it?"

 "Yah, I think it good."

 "Is she a friend who can be by herself?"

 "That's the point."

 One of our friend Etsu is a player of athletics. She is a sprinter. She's engaging in compensated dating. She says, "no one is troubled.". But I think she's causing trouble to her body. That's the problem for the moment. Heart and body are one and indivisible. It's really difficult for anybody to accept "heart, body, myself are one and indivisible".

 The first hour, Mathematics, A surprise test. Mr. Matsumoto's eyes give search beams off. I gave up. I didn't practice all in one motion stroke Kendo in this morning as rehearsal of surprise test. I breathed deeply and slowly to make my feeling calm down. The light reflected from the sea shines and are dancing on the glasses of the windows.
The first hour, Mathematics in a summer morning, a white paper on the desk, shining windows, common happiness and Etsu. I think I don't forget this scene and the sence of the air forever.

 It takes 30 minutes on foot from the school to go back home. We walk side by side without hurrying. Our pace is fitting naturally. We hear a small rumbling sound of which the small train runs over the hill. I'm worried about Etsu, but I'd like to enjoy walking side by side now. We meet the president of the supermarket on the bridge across the river. I often dropped in his supermarket. He is driving his pickup truck. He sees us walking closely. He is driving his car with opening his mouth absent-mindedly.

 "Is he watching the front way and driving carefully?"

 "He seemed enviable, didn't he?"

 "Is he?"

 "Yes, absolutely."

 She emphasized so. I suppressed the feeling that I'd like to look back to him. I remembered such a poem,

    La mer, Don't say anything.
    Le ciel also keep silent.
    Who are you and What am I?
    Nobody knows the truth.

 I went back home. I remember that the president of the supermarket watched us, and I was thinking the meaning of what she said, "Yes, absolutely.". Then, the windows rang with the sounds something hammers. As the sea is close, so seashore sand is being blown on a windy day. The sand would cover the ground thickly. And it would also be piled up on the clover in the garden. Even if the sand lies on the clover, it is blown off, and also is piled up, it is blown off again, and also sand piles up again, ..., that would be repeated. In my brain, the phrase of "Nobody knows the truth" is being repeated.

 I heard footsteps. My mother is coming in.

 "I go to the funeral of Uncle Tom. Won't you go with me?"

 "No, I won't."

 "I want you to go with me. We are the family."

 "You should tell it before."

 "I couldn't tell it before. It happened suddenly."

 "Go there by yourself, please."

 "You're not kindhearted."

 "I'm hardhearted in such case."

 "You don't have warm heart, do you?"

 "Yes, I don't have such a heart as you say."

 "Well, then, what kind of heart do you have?"

 Ritu who lives in the next door was coming. She was talking with my mother so far at the front door.

 "You should go with her. Do you know who brought you up?"

 "I think I brought myself up."

 "Oh, you answer back by the big mouth."

 "That's serious, if my mouth would become big."

 I'm at a disadvantage in two to one. My rivals are two strong ladies. It's best for me to run away as soon as possible. Everyone judges each of an affair appropriately in the daily life and also everyone lives one's life as if not wearing one's heart down. There are lots of things everyone believes important in the daily troublesomeness. The human relations are something which can't be avoided. A lot of people think a ceremonial occasion is the first priority above all. Such one everyone believes to be important often makes me get tired.

 In the morning, my eyes were attracted to the newspaper which stayed being opened on the dining table. The headline said, "Heart is skin". I read the article. "As a brain is a commander, a brain and a heart are the reverse circuit which considers a thing. I think a heart is skin. It senses everything, feels sad, is glad and loves, and it's hated, and ... ." Even if a heart isn't the same as a brain, I think those influence each other. That a heart is skin! It was shocking for me. When skins includes mucous membranes, five senses, sence of touch, taste, hearing, sight and smell are included. The five senses are unconscious. When the wind of unconsciousness blows, the branches of consciousness move. So, skin is also a heart as expected.

  "What are you nodding?"

 "This article."

 "Heart is skin. Yes it is. It's right."

 " Really?"

 "Yes. Don't you know the book "The third brain"?"

 "No,I didn't know it."

 "You should read it."

 My younger sister laughed at me. I was not sure she said truth, but I was also afraid to make sure it. I went to wash my face to leave here. I washed my face and made my brain clear once more, and I noticed. That's she who left the newspaper open. I noticed she knew it before. So she could say, "Don't you know the third brain?"

 I hold a barbecue party at a coast today with the fellows of the sports club. I asked my younger sister to buy the assigned foods for the barbecue party. She participates with us together. It's two or three hundred meters from the house to the coast. I expected to arrive at the coast soon, but the gate boom at the crossing point of the road and the railway has gone down. The signal is ringing and I'm seeing the train running in front of me. The next station is close, so the train passes slowly. The passengers look down us who hold a cardboard box which contains the foods from the windows on the train. My younger sister waves her hand. There is a passenger who waves his hand, too.

 "Kind person, isn't he?"

 "It's Kei."

 When we arrive at the beach, I find a few members are there. They already borrowed a stove of the barbecue and cookwares from the management work office of the coast park and have set them. The work of preparations of food parties are fast. There is a road surface where roller skating can be done. Monk is skating on the road which was chosen as a skating course. Monk is his nickname. He's playing elegant skating in spite of his overweight body. The weight gets on his big toe joint of his pivot leg. Therefore when skating, the location of the center of the body is stable. The person practicing martial arts acquires the style of the basis, and it's also useful for skating.

 "Did you bring the skate shoes?"

 "No, I found those that someone left in the management work office."

 "The size seems suitable for you."

 "My toes shrink in the shoes."

 "Considering it, you are good at skating."

 "So-so."

 He passes by while saying something. Cans are making a line over there. He intends to enjoy a slalom.

 "Hi, there!"

 "Hi, Kei."

 "What do you have, Kei?"

 "A set of Soap bubble."

 "Sounds good."

 Everyone comes to see it. While they are seeing the instruction paper of the soap bubble kit and saying something, we start making a soap bubble machine. And it begins to spout soap bubbles. It's an automatic soap bubble machine. Two fans driven by a battery spout a lot of soap bubbles. All the smiling faces of fellows are reflected on the rainbow colour surface of a remarkably big soap bubble.

 "This automatic machine ends in a short time, doesn't it?"

 "It's just like rocket fireworks."

 "I also like the small soap bubble looks like Japanese sparkler fireworks."

 While saying such things, Kei and Monk who put on roller skates have begun to leapfrog.

 "Auchi! Don't kick my leg."

 "Excuse me."

 "Take off your skates. I'd like to join the leapfrog, too."

 My younger sister and Kei made the leapfrog alternately each other for a while. Soon, she has stopped the leapfrog, and is sitting astride Kei.

 "Don't stay riding on me. You are heavy."

 "No, I'd like to stay here."

 "Hey, The meat was roasted."

 "Well, well, well, The demonstration of "a heart is skin" is the end."

 "Don't make fun of me."

 "OK. Why don't you eat?"

 "Let's eat."

 "OK. Let's drink."

 At that time, we heard a big sound that bumped something. When a surfer who had a long board was walking, the board seemed to strike a car which tried to enter a parking lot. When I was seeing, a door of the car opened, and a driver got off. He's looking at the place where the board struck. He left after a while. He seemed to have thought that there's no damage. Some hair seals lie on the boards and are waiting for a big wave in the sea. I can see there is also fur seals, and Steller's sea lions. I thought it's unnecessary to go to the aquarium.

 There's a long seller book, "Gift from the Sea", by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. It was written about the dialogue which she talked with herself, while taking a walk through a beach and associating with the shells pickeded up, such as a trumpet, a stuffed shellfish, a sunrise shellfish, an oyster and an argonaut. I live near a beach, so I can understand what she's talking about. The beach isn't the place where you're going to look for something impatiently. I agree with the feeling that everyone will be absent-minded and only lies on the beach. Even if you sit in a beach chair and try to read a book, you notice that it's the best that you cover your face with the book and sleep. When I'm doing so, I feel the rhythmic movement of the sea is comfortable. Something in the body sympathizes with the rhythm. A pearl may come out of a shellfish. I've read "Gift from the Sea" by both of a book of Shincho library and a paperback of Pantheon. After reading these two books, I felt the impression was different. I think the original one is talking the matter directly. I may say the style of the sentences seems masculine. But I'm also certain that the Japanese readers charmed by the Shincho book were fascinated by the Japanese subtle nuances. When one reads by one's mother tongue, the images spread further. I think good translation is such one.

 I have an experience to call on my friend who lived near a northern beach. It was the time of lunch , so my friend said "Let's go to take a dish.". I thought what he was doing. He went into the shallow sea. He walked until his knees were flooded with water. He began to play a twist dance there. Then he put his hands in the sea soon. He took something out in both hands. He returned with those. When I looked at it, it's about ten centimeters of black surf clam. He said, "Try it. You can get it easily. Get the thing you eat by yourself.". I was being skeptical, but I raised the hem of pants and was entering the sea. It's northern sea. It's cold in the sea. I play a twist dance where he danced. I had the sense something stiff touched my heel. I took something under the heel out. It's a black surf clam. I thought the northern sea was fertile. How did I cook the surf clam? I don't remember it clearly. Did I make sashimi? Or I was slightly afraid of the body of the raw shellfish, so maybe it was baked. After that I have not got a shellfish by foot. I have also forgot the taste of the black surf clam. I don't see that friend any more, either. It was a fine day and almost waveless gentle sea in wonderful spring.

 A trumpet shell makes me remember the sound that a Japanese itinerant Buddhist monk plays. But Anne is praising its simple shape. She says that she'd like a simple life. The life that is simple and has abundant inside is the best. If it isn't simple, it can't be abundant, she says. Certainly, the restless people of today who is busy with handling a smartphone can not have the abundant inside. A smartphone is convenient for you, but if you are too dependent on it, it will be the gray man of "Momo". "Momo" is the story which German juvenile literature author Michael Ende wrote. The grey man says, "When you use time efficiently, you can get more money.". The gray men covenant with people, and suck the time of the people who made contracts up. The gray men live using the time which they sucked up. People only say that they're busy. They consider nothing, and they only work. Momo meets Meister Hora who gives time to people. Hora talks what the time is.

 "You have to decide how to do the Time by yourself. You have to protect Time by yourself. You have eyes to see light, you have ears to hear sound, and similarly with that, you have a heart to sense Time."　

 MOMO receives the aid of Cassiopeia of a turtle (messenger of Meister HORA), and she gets Time of the people back.

 The argonauts are mysterious creatures. Though argonauts are octopuses, argonauts shoulder the shells made by themselves. But Only female. The male is very small and soft. A tentacle for ejaculations is left in the inside of a female body, and the male will die. In a Greek mythology, the name of "Argonaut" is the high-speed ship which set sail to look for the fur of a gold sheep. I'd like to be an argonaut. It's gliding freely on a wide ocean by oneself. The argonaut that is independent and complete (self-contained), is attractive. It's different from the "Sailing" which Rod Stewart of a British locker sings. The existence of a argonaut is delightful. I feel that it is accepting and praising all creatures of the world.

  Poem of an argonaut

  The happiness of All alone
  The happiness of All alone
  Is All alone deserted?
  All alone is free, isn't it?
  All alone is beautiful.
  All alone is mysterious.
  To cry, to laugh, to worry
  To end with all alone.
  All alone is attractive.

 We have come to Sapporo which is the home town of Monk who is the captain of our sports club. We plan to enjoy skiing. Monk often recommended that the skiing in Hokkaido is wonderful. So we decided to go there. A couple of members will take the entrance examination of Hokkaido University next year. So we'll also be able to check it. There are various big ski area here. We decided to challenge the back country skiing of Mt.Chisenupuri which Monk recommended. This mountain is about one thousand meters high, and famous for deep snow.

 When you want to enjoy skiing in the fresh snow, you should not change the height of your hip. You have to bend and stretch your legs by the stage of the turn. The core of your trunk body stands upright and doesn't move right and left, So you can enjoy skiing by the stable posture. You take balance while feeling resistance from snow by your soles. Seemingly, it's seen like water-skiing. But the resistance of the snow transmitted from soles is more delicate. It's just like walking on the cloud. When I'm familiar with fresh snow, I feel snow and me became united. The light fresh snow of Mt.Chisenupuri will be sprayed, and floats around. It seems to be in a dream. Snow crystals are soaring and floating with winds. The rays of light which have passed between the leaves of the trees make snow crystals shine.

 "Monk didn't come with us."

 "He said he didn't like a cold place."

 "But he's often proud of here."

 "He already got tired of it, doesn't he?"

 "Even if you have experienced it many times, you don't get tired of the floating sense."

 "I agree. It's like a dream."

 "Our senses are sharpened."

 "The sense may make me charm."

 "Well, it may be so."

 The town office is managing the back country skiing of Chisenupuri. The management by working only one ski-lift is severe. One of the news concerning the town office says that the back country skiing will become the group pack which the customer will be sent to the mountain top by a caterpillar car in the near future. If this area will not be developed destructively and the mountain is left as it is, that may also be good.

 The relevant member went to see The Hokkaido University next day. The facility which is called The Hokkaido University Center where we stayed overnight yesterday are situated at several minutes on foot to the north gate of the university. We walk to the north gate in the morning in the early spring which is still winter in Sapporo. The sky clears up in celadon green. In the clear and cold atmosphere, Light snow is dancing by winds and is shining. We came across several Jerseys which were eating grasses at a farm on the way. My younger sister who also came with us here is approaching the cow. She thought that it's worth observing. She goes in front of the cow, and suddenly,

 "JOOAHJOBOJOBOJOBOJOBOJOBOJOBOJOBO."

 "Oh, My God!"

 "Oh, The cow urinated."

 "This is magnificent."

 "I don't like it. I was surprised."

 "Between the women is unreserved."

 "You're impolite. I'm different."

 "Excuse me. I didn't mean that."

 "What do you mean?"

 "I mean Nature calls us."

 "They can move free in this area. So it's comfortable here for them."

 The slight morning mist is seen here only. The grass of pea family covers all over the ground. Several cow barns and a silo, and the low building which is the old Cold Research Center, is seen over there. It seems to be a painting of impressionism.

 "My motivation rises."

 "Yes, me, too."

 "Good. Will I come, too?"

 "That's good. It isn't good studying only."

 "What do you mean? The University is a place to learn, isn't it?"

 "Yes, It's good to learn Nature. Because you're one of the member of Nature, too."

 "Yes, indeed. It's important, isn't it?"

 Dr. Nakaya is famous for the words, "Snow is the letters from the sky.". He was a Researcher of snow crystals.　Dr. Nakaya's successors are working on various studies now at new Cold Research Center near. When Dr. Terada, who is the teacher of Nakaya, heard that Nakaya had the experience which fell in taking an examination in the first time, Dr. Terada said,"The one who doesn't have the experience that failed examination, doesn't know the value of the failure of examination". It was Nakaya's principle to say that, "When researching, you have to begin with seeing Nature first." So, even if I fail in an examination, I also don't feel it serious.

 I failed in the first examination. I met the girl friend whom I've not been seen for a while in a train which I used to take to go to the cramming school. When I talk her about anything at present each other, I become feeling something a little strange. We become to talk lesser and lesser each other now and then. Her words, "Now is the most unproductive life." is ringing in my mind. We say, "See you.", and separate. I got off the train. While I was walking, I felt something popped up in my mind. I was convinced that I saw the value of the failure of examination.

 One year later, when I go to the university which I passed the entrance examination, the front gate is still closed. It's a Lock-Out! It's just like the movie of "The Strawberry Statement". Is it the time of fifty years ago? The difference is that it's not by the activity of protesting against the war, but by the plan against the virus. What a silent Lock-Out! I see no flag, no transparent hard-plastic shield. I hear no voice of people. Only blue sky, and winds that bring the fragrance of the lily of the valley.

 After a long spring, summer which we've been waiting for has come, and the classes have opened. The places where the classes open are here and there, so I'm walking along the street which runs from north to south in the university. I see a lot of green leaves of trees which live over a hundred years. I imagine that the trees keep standing without having any trouble and the leaves were trembling by winds while the university has been locked out. I'm walking while wondering that the virus doesn't increase in the cells of the trees as though we are the same creatures. The leaves of the trees are changed from thin and soft green ones to deep and clear green ones, and are changed from slender and tender ones to thick and tough ones. When I enter the auditorium, I see Turtle. He is one of my new fellow.

 "How's everything?"

 "So-so"

 "Sounds good, so-so is the best."

 "If everything would be good ..."

 "Something will become bad."

 "Well, that's also interesting ..."

 "Just so-so is the best!"

 "You are like a moderate Buddhist."

 "Moderate, I like the words."

 "Intermediate? Is it the same as balancing?"

 "Barance is important for everything."

 Turtle loves bobsled. He thought that he'll have more chance to attend the next Olympic games because the number of Japanese athletes of bobsled is a little. The athletes of bobsled is precious in Japan. But many of us says, he is almost an endangered species. It's important to take balance, when you play bobsled. But Tuetle himself is not "intermediate", because of selecting bobsled as an athlete. He needs much money to do it. Turtle and his parents is not poor, but he is always doing several part time jobs.

 "How's your part time job?"

 "You mean mowing?"

 "Why the road construction means mowing?"

 "We need to cut grasses to measure the distances between two points by using laser pointer."

 "Oh, got it."

 "We saw lots of bamboo thickets there. If we couldn't cut those roots of stems levelly, they'd be dangerous."

 "?"

 "We go on foot after cutting them. If it remains a slanting sharp stem, it'll pierce our sole."

 "That's really a big problem."

 "Yes, indeed. I can get 7,500 yen per day by the job."

 "It means your life equals 7,500 yen."

 "Cheap life, isn't it?"

 Turtle worked in a lumber shop to carry the wood which builds a house as a part time job before. He put a pad in his shoulder on which he carried a wood. I saw the skins of his shoulders are grazed. I think it not easy to enjoy bobsled. But Turtle who has strong body and a thick neck rushes to anyplace anytime. His nickname "Turtle" derives from his surname. His fellows says, "You should be called Rhinoceros.", by his behavior.

 The sports club I belong is not hard. Even though, we exercise a little, because of an athletic club. We used to do running, stretching, and weight training twice a week in the off season. In case of running, we don't have any truck course, so we run in the school yard. We often run along the straight road which runs from north to south in the school yard. We sometimes omit the weight training, after we run to the farm area. But we don't forget stretching so as not to have muscular pain. We have our thighs stretched in a pair.

 "Give up! Hey, Turtle, Let me give up!"

 "You can do it more. Try again!"

 "Ouch!"

 "OK, that's the end!"

 "I'd better to shout "Ouch" from the first."

 "I'll add more stretching for a liar."

 There are shouts here and there. But the exercise to use a trampoline is a fun. I think it a good training because we can exercise hard naturally. The trampoline was been set in the gymnasium. The most popular exercise using the trampoline is so-called "Stop Motion". We jumped off on the trampoline from the corridor of the 2nd floor. We tried to absorb the reflection energy by stretching and bending the knees at the moment when we touched the surface of the trampoline. It looks like a stop motion. We competed about the motion of the head. The less, the better. Kohsuke was good at stopping the motion. He was proud of his strong and flexible knees. Kohsuke was absent from the school in a year. He traveled around the world with a backpack. He returned with Maria who was pregnant. They started living in an apartment beside the school. His fellows of the club often visited them. Their baby named Moto became to be an idol of the fellows. Everyone of the club who visited the apartment looked after Moto. Maria accepted their act and kindness naturally.

 "Maria, Moto caca."

 "Well, oh, this is good."

 "Mria, you are good at speaking Japanese, so Moto will be monolingual."

 "That's OK. I talk to myself and sometimes talk in sleep."

 "You talk in sleep in Japanese, don't you?"

 "Impossible!"

 Maria had a part time job on which she utilized her mother tongue. It helped their cost of living. In this time, the bridge game was popular among us. The management ability of Maria was also superior to ours in this region. People said that it is reliable enough, if Maria is here, even if Kohsuke isn't here.

 The ski is one of winter sports. But here in the northland of Japan, people can enjoy skiing until early May. The fellows in the Laboratory planned to go skiing in the Nakayama mountain pass. I see a man comming with a pair of skis on his shoulder, when we are waiting the bus at the bus station. He slips on the road, while crossing the road. He is crushed by the pair of skis. All the passengers in the bus are looking at that. He immediately stand up and looks around. He find us, and is coming with grinning sheepishly.

 "I'm surprised."

 "Me, too."

 "Are you all right?"

 "SO-so."

 "You looked like a crushed frog."

 "I slipped, and lost balance."

 "The balance is important."

 "Kei, your cheek looks red."

 "You were struck, don't you?"

 The couple of Sarah and William worry his cheek. Sarah takes out a bottle of cream from her bag, and apply it on his cheek. Kei is quiet. William is smiling to see that. Anyone likes Kei. This couple likes Kei above all. Because Kei is often taking care of them. Sarah is a daughter of an American missionary who stations in The Hokkaido University Center. William is a British student studying abroad, and lives in there. Sarah's father is a hardhead. Kei entered between these three people, and has interceded for their relationships.

 We enjoyed the last skiing in this season. We've got the foods of barbeque from the restaurant in the ski yard. And we start walking to the field where we can see a panorama scene and enjoy barbeque. While walking, William and Assistant Professor Inaba is talking about the collaboration area between Biology and Phisics. According to their talk, Life Science seems to be the top researching area in the 21st century. While hearing their talk, I hoped anybody would become understanding what he or she is. Inaba just married the secretary of the next Laboratory last year. Sarah often visits their home.

 "Even in home, he is always speaking about the Laboratory. I'm boring."

 "Really? I thought you have a interest."

 "He's paying regard against you."

 "I don't think so."

 "He said so."

 "He told his love affair, Sarah."

 "Oh, is that so?"

 "Well, yes, so-so."

 "OK. Every person is interesting."

 "Yes, really, it's interesting."

 We soon came to the field of the shouder of the mountain. Maeda, Master of the graduate school, takes out his lovely SUBEA 123s, and turns on fire. The sound of growling of the SUBEA 123s spreads over the silent field. Our feelings of "Let's start barbeque!" rise. Latest mountaineering goods are light and compact, and have good heat efficiency. These are convenient for the people who knows how to use them. Lots of meat and vegetables are roasting on the wire netting and titanium plate. We all love Sapporo Beer. Some members have records of tasting 15 beer cups of the Sapporo Beer Garden. William is also a regular customer. His pub-trained talk is attractive.

 "You know, The famous pub where the ghost appears?"

 "London is famous for the Tower of London. Ghost seems to be appeared everywhere."

 "The ghost there is special."

 "How special is it?"

 "It is similar to yourself."

 "Well, then, it isn't fearful at all."

 "But, That's very fearful."

 "Oh, why?"

 "This ghost is considerable drunkard. And, the bill uncommonly works for this pub."

 I have a part-time job at a bakery in neighborhood. The job starts early in the morning. Because It takes 3 hours until bread bakes from beginning to knead the dough, cut and shape, let them fermented, and bake. I'm walking on the street to the bakery. It's dark, and anyone isn't walking without me. When I look up the dark sky, I find a red star is shining. The red star is making a corner of a large rectangular in the dark sky. I also find three stars are in line, in the center of the rectangular. So I remember the red star is Betelgeuse of Orion. Rigel, the blue star, is shining at the opposite corner of the rectangular. While I walk on a loose slope, I hum a song, "Winter Constellation". I step into a right side narrow street, and go for a while. I find the light of the bakery. I come in the shop while saying, "Good morning！". An alcohol sterilization sprayer is put at the entrance corner. I change clothes, I wash hands by liquid soap, and I dry them by hot blower. I enter the workshop through the air shower booth. First of all, I start working to sterilize the stainless plates, the stainless racks, the shallow plastic mesh boxes which baked bread is put in. As I use alcohol to sterilize them, and the sterilization liquid contains 70% alcohol, so I think it's not strange if I get drunk. I find Shin is already working. He cuts the dough to 380g each, and molding them. He molds a piece of dough to 80cm long bar. He puts a bar in front of him. While he waves his palms, he opens both hands from the front to both sides to foam 80cm bar. Beautiful tension and gloss of the surface of the bar are produced by using his fingers and the bottom of palms of both hands. Ten and several bars fit into the sailcloth bed which has formed ten and several U-shape ditches.

 "Do you put it into the dough conditioner? As the last set."

 "Got it. Do I put it in every twenty minutes?"

 "That's OK, Thanks."

 I check the time, and I open the door of the dough conditioner. I find over ten sailcloth beds. The first set of bars are almost fermented. I feel want to cut it.

 "Prepare to make the french toasts using the baguette of yesterday please."

 "Got it."

 "I made a bowl of egg mixture liquid. Here it is."

 Ema, one of the fellow, takes out a bowl in which the liquid filled, from the refrigerator under the workbench. I cut the baguettes into half in the length direction first, and I cut each of them 15,6cm long. I soak those pieces of baguettes into the liquid in order. I put six pieces each on a metal plate, and I put the metal plates on a rack. This french toast of baguette is my favorite one for lunch. After preparing those french toasts, I start cutting the dough of buns as a routine work. While cutting the dough to 50g each, I feel that I became to be able to catch the difference of 2,3g of weight by hand. The sense of human, which cut the dough to precise weight, is wonder.

I feel the time fly. Second team of the fellow, after the early morning team, is coming into the workroom. I find Kei in it.

 "You look pleasant."

 "Is that so?"

 "Yes, do you have something wonderful?"

 "I guess it's kneading bread."

 "Well, and?"

 "I become innocent, when kneading"

 "I agree. But I like rounding a dough."

 "How good is it?"

 "You know, the feeling of your palm. It's just like rounding Breast of Venus."

 "Well, You hit right on the head."

 Ema is smiling as if she knows we are enjoying the same game. I touch high with Kei, and I and Ema leave.

 I feel it something different to make breads from manufacturing other things. I visited and enjoyed artisan work in several bakeries, a bakery in my home town, a bakery using natural leaven for fermentation in a local town, a bakery near a skyscraper that is appeared through cold air in an autumn morning at past 5 o'clock and the steeple shines by the sunset on the way to go back home, making breads for restaurants in this city. Design of bread is based on heart and mind of every baker. It is really a fun to make a bread. I think the best way to make a bread is keeping heart "in grace". I mean a harmony in your mind, which can be translated into outward harmony. Everyone feels solitude like an island. But these islands are in a sea. The sea may be hometown, friend, family, faith and belief. I expect "Bread " will be the sea. To make bread is the same as good design. What design is? I think design build up good relationship in people, in things and between people and things. That is not only to be a good relation, but to change and coevolve each other while coexisting together. I know it hard to make sense from other years. When you keep your heart "in grace", it is possible to feel the relationship. When we are making and thinking bread, we can feel the relationship concretely. I think nature is designed in such way.

 I told such my thought to Ema on the way home.

 "Surprised, you think such a thing, don't you?"

 "Yes."

 "I thought you always imagine bare breasts."

 "Well, that's correct, too."

 "The feeling rounding a dough is just like touching bare breast."

 "Really? I don't have an experience of touching bare breast."

 "Is that so? It's unusual, isn't it?"

 "Is it so?"

 "Yes It is."

 "Well, Maria hugged me the other day."

 "How did you feel?"

 "Maria was warm."

 "The body temperature of Maria looks like high, isn't she?"

 "Yes she is. And she always keeps high mentality."

 We walk in line. Ema's good shaped bust is coming into my sight. Two of myself are fighting. Here is one myself which is unconsciously looking at the bust, there is the other myself which is consciously seeing the front. Ema is looking at me, and is smiling as if she is thinking so.

 I was thinking that there are lots of Russian restaurants in this northern city. But there's only a few in reality. I remember "Piroshki", when I eat a curry bun. It's far long ago that I ate it first time. My memories tell me the shapes, colours, contents, tastes, fragrances, and the voice which someone said, "This is Piroshki.". "Borscht" and Piroshki are remembered in a pair. But the existence of Borscht isn't heavier than Piroshki. There are many kinds of tomatesoup in the world. Especially, and commonly, the difference between Minestrone and Borscht isn't clear. "Quass" is a drink which colour is like barley tea. It contains a little alcohol. Some people will like it, and some people will not like it. It's not an important drink for me. It's the time of prepairing job hunting, and the time of decreasing sport club activity. So the time which Ema and me spend together is increased as a conclusion. We often talk ourselves and our future. We use to stay and talk these at the restaulant "Amur". A married couple who returned from Russia runs Amur. They serve Russian domestic dishes. They make orthdox style Borscht which contains beets and homemade thick sore cream. We take the table in an usual corner, and check the menu on the table. A lamp which is put in the wall lights up the characters on the menu to help the weak downlight. We order "Galshok". A cup of soup which contains mushroom and meat is top-covered by a plate of bread dough. These are fermented, and are baked. While I dig the top-cover bread, I always look forward to what is coming, although I know what is coming. When you eat, the dipped bread in the soup is also delicious. Mine is beef-stew, and Ema's one is cream-stew. We stare at each other, and unconsciously with a pleasant smile.

 "When will you come back?"

 "Immediately. You don't have a time to wait."

 "Well, only your sun-tanned face is fine for a gift."

 "Got it. By the way, I found your handle-name, Ema. "

 "What's that?"

 "Fleckle faced fairly!"

 "Oh, no. I don't like that."

 "I like this fairly. You are a fairly, aren't you?"

  A fat woman who has a tea-pot and a cup of strawberry-jam are coming. She is hearing our talk. She says while smiling,

 "Good harmony. Now is the best for you two. I'll give you these as a service."

 "Thank you very much.", we reply at the same time.

 We're walking on the sidewalk which runs from north to south in front of the front gate of the university. The time is late night. White flowers of acacias of the roadside trees are decorating our over head. The acasias are tall. When we walk under the trees, the sweet fragrance of the flowers is floating.

 "I'll take acacia jam sandwiches tomorrow."

 "You're an appetite more than an ambition."

 "That's right."

 "So good situation it is, now."

 "Is it such feeling that we walk a virgin load?"

 "・・・"

 "What happened?"

 She stops walking and faces to me. She closes her eyes. I held her shoulder quietly and kissed her. The shoulder is trembling. She relaxes from the posture which stands. Her chest falls to me. I turned my arms to her back, and I held her tightly. The breath which is trembling is being transmitted to me from her cheek which touched tightly. We continued to stop the motion for a while.

 I was having a dream. I heard the mutter "I feel I am the dark matter." in the dreaminess. Some female person in the Middle East was saying "A person is meat, and also a person would be full of senses.", when I was travelling around the world. I heard the voice whispered with "A person is full of meat, and also a person would be full of senses."

 "・・・"

 "Did you wake up? Were you having a dream?"

 "Yah. Did you say, full of meat, full of senses?"

 "Yes."

 "I thought so."

 "That's yesterday's fee to you."

 "What fee?"

 "Fee from hearts."

 "Fee with heart, isn't it?"

 "Yes. With heart is good. Because the body is same as mind."

 "You mean the body which isn't seen?"

 "Yes. Unconscious body. The body of which I can't control."

 "The body which isn't seen is strange, isn't it? Because I'm breathing while I'm sleeping."

 "I mean, it felt and reacted, even if I was sleepy."

 "Well, it was. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

 "That's OK. Because I felt full of senses."

 I remember it again, because she apologized for me.

 "What happened?"

 "Nothing particular."

 "You felt full of senses, don't you?"

 "Not now!"

 Sweethearts are a sunrise shellfish. I thinks it's natural for the two to fay tightly. The body is same as mind. So when the bodies of the lovers fay, their hearts will become also one. It's different from only the sex of the body. I think it's a wonder. The connection of the heart and the body are important. When this breaks, the true sadness and gentleness disappear. The body is also the mind. Does Etsu who was an old friend notice this thing now? I hope so.

 "Are you happy?"

 "Yes. Happy alone. So more happy because we are."

 "Would you like to inform it to Etsu?"

 "Yes. I may be able to do it now."

 "You can include what you want to say among your words now, can't you?"

 "Yes."

 What will Etsu be doing now? And where will she be now?

    The happiness of All alone

    Is All alone deserted?
    All alone is free, isn't it?
    All alone is beautiful.
    All alone is mysterious.
    To cry, to laugh, to worry
    To end with all alone.
    All alone is attractive.

 Etsu, for everyone, there is the time when everyone has to go getting over adversity. To yourself who opposes yourself in your mind. But also, there are yourself who are critical of yourself who oppose. There are various yourselves in your mind. While repeating that you think about yourself, yourself who leads your thought are being made. Please walk the way you chose. Please don't fear that you are alone. Lone you are attractive. Everyone comes to hear you "Why?".

 Newly-married couple's time has passed. The oyster's life which lives a life enough for living has started. The oyster is putting something various on the body. Those go out and stay with unevenness according to our life. There is the person who says that such oyster isn't beautiful. But try to see the inside of the oyster. Every oysters are brilliant in the Pearl color. Time to look at each other mutual decreased. But we can look at ears of rices which flutter in the June winds at the same time, at the same direction. We are surprised to find a natural unexpected face between time of the busy oysters. We were walking along the near coast park the other day. We entered into the riverside from the sidewalk of the road which is filled with noises and exhausts. We were astonished that the air was really refreshing at that time, and that the difference between the tone and the temperature is great.

 "Was Kame fine?"

 "Yah. He seems OK."

 "That's good. I'm afraid of the virus."

 "He said, his hand was asleep."

 "Is the cause nervous abnormality?"

 "He said, lymph of an armpit swelled."

 "I thought so."

 virus exist here and there. While our brain doesn't know their invasion, our body is being defended by the immunity system which is invisible. That the riverside's nature refreshed you is the same as that invisible nature in your body is surprising. If lymph swells, and a hand is asleep, I can think I'm also a part of nature. There are two "myself". My brain is conscious of one myself. The other one is usually invisible. It's a surprise that I who is invisible am also me. I had been thinking I understand all of me. But now, I realize I have not been understanding me at all. "Heart is Skin, body and me" are fascinating.

 Someday,

 "I met Etsu."

 "Oh, where did you meet her?"

 "In a petite alumni association."

 "What's that? I don't know."

 "It's an alumni association of my sister's classmates."

 "Was she in the party? "

 "Yes. Her partner was the same classmate."

 "And how was she? Etsu, was she fine?"

 "She was an ordinary beautiful female."

 "Did you talk with her?"

 "She said our poetry of lone happiness was fascinating."

 "That sounds good."

 "Yes, indeed."

 It'll be also the second half in April and it has become little that pollen flies. Flowers begin to bloom simultaneously. Clover, Hedge hyssop, White bletilla, Philadelphia daisy and daisy fleabane. I'm surprised by their correct biological clock which begins to bloom without being different from one week every year.

 Snow is a present from heaven. I think a child is a present from heaven, too. It's pretty and noisy. I'd like to eat it, and I'm eaten. It's a hope and a despair. It's being loved, and it's hateful. Such one must be the one which has come from heaven. All too soon, it's in the body. The fact is even understood as a result of the sex activity in my mind though. When it moves in the body, I say, "Be quiet.". I'm afraid of first childbirth and worried about it. how will I do? Help me please.

And a baby was born. It looks like a monkey which the head has no hair. But it was pretty, and I was looking the sleeping face forever.

 "It's noisy. I can't sleep."

 "I'll change with you."

 "No. You can't give mother's milk."

 "I have a bottle of milk."

 "No. You can't put immunity on the baby."

 "I see."

 "Do you have the baby suck your teat?"

 "I'll do that. That's a good idea."

 "It's a joke."

 The small monster becomes a savage beast, becomes a creature between the animal and the human-being, and it's going to go to a nursery.

 "Did you enjoy drawing today?"

 "Yah."

 "What is it?"

 "Walrus."

 "Wallus?"

 "No. Walrus."

 "What is wallus?"

 "It's a sea animal."

 "No. Walrus."

 "Wallus."

 "No. Walrus."

 "Wallus!"

 "No. Walrus!"

 "Pancakes have been finished."

 "I got it."

 "Let's eat pancakes."

 Pronunciation of "r" seemed disagreeable to him. The 4-year-old child rejected my pronunciation several times. After all, I pleased him by pancakes.

 When we walked along the ridge way of the hiking trail the other day, I left him because he didn't hear me. When I saw the back after I went for a while, he wasn't coming with me. I thought it was serious if the child who got away at the ridge disappeared. I rush and have returned. I found the child who looks up at me at the place where the child was left. I was relieved honestly. The tightly connected small hand indicated the mind to say that it isn't separated anymore. I thought and regretted that this was misusage. I'm sorry. A parent with a child isn't the parent. He'll be the parent because he lives with the child. The serious sense of responsibility is necessary for it. Sometimes, everyone is nearly crushed by the weight of responsibility. The heart which is out of tuning begins to run out of control. Misusage starts.　Please tell me how should we do!

 "Please apart a little."

 "Please forget a little."

 "Please breathe out once."

 "How is it?"

 You know how it is. It's better than not to do. It became funny, so it was good. Thanks. While I continue this many times, I'll be surprised to make me notice that the child is a different person on some days. And,

 I thought I'll come to say, "Do you know who grew you?".

 It's difficult to say this, "you know who grew you?". If It's the body, It's the person who made us eat, and took charge. But I am both the body and the heart. Who grew this heart? I think "oneself" isn't a mistake. Why? Because I know that there is myself who are watching me objectively in myself. Oneself is growing up while doing such things. This objective myself is "who". There may be the person who doesn't have this "who". The person who doesn't have a custom to see things objectively, the person who doesn't criticize oneself, The person who ignores a question if it is trouble, The person who sides with an opinion around, This "who" isn't here for the person who keeps doing such things. If I notice that my child is a person different from me, I think I'll respect the child's, "why". When my child says "I grew by myself.", I'd like to say "Yes. Congratulations.". Who is controlling the body which is working while sleeping (breathing for example)? How is a unconsciousness connected with a sense and a heart? How mysterious it is. It's full of interests.

 When I thought about media, I remembered the words, "Ministers in the air". I saw such one somewhere. I searched for the disk files, but I didn't have it. I thought it was one of clipping of the old newspaper. I have begun to search in the scrap file. I used to take a side trip at such time. My eyes caught three kanji(chinese letters), means "hear", "ask" and "interrogate". "Interrogate" isn't used so much, but it's sometiomes used as if I "interrogate" about an interrogation. The shape of the letter seems to be the knife which cuts well. I seem to have abandoned the clipping of "Ministers in the air". But no problem. That's ok!

 "You know, Ministers in the air?"

 "What's that?"

 "Recently, there're Churches in the air."

 "Church? In airplanes?"

 "No. Radio churches."

 "Oh, Such a thing."

 "There are preachments of ministers."

 "it's a tale that it isn't only true ministers, isn't it?"

 "Right! You have a nice sense. Not only real churches, but there are lots of media as ministers in the air."

 "Mixture of chaff and grain."

 Media are often called that it's public and that it's bidirectional. Will the internet be also the one? Is the consciousness here? The most important thing is to be able to trust it. The one left through much person's consciousness has endured filters of many people. So it can be trusted. That has an influence on a person around and is staying, and is accumulated. The creature that can continuously accumulate consciousness is only human-being. I expect that media connect in the human future.

 "Decline the media which can't be trusted."

 "I agree. How is it done?"

 "When I feel fascinating and am moved, I stop, and think why?"

 "Does that mean you consider why you feel so?"

 "Yes. Why, why and why."

 The moment such each of how to live led to trust, Emma said. It isn't good to write immediately in the condition to which feeling goes. Some poet said, "Don't keep burning your anger until sunset. Have room, the humor and a little courage.". I thought it was a little courage which abandons anger. And it isn't enough for me. First of all, room, breathe out slowly. Then the humor comes also to show.

 Big white Annabel is shaking in weak winds. Hydrangeas are here and there in good distance. Several Annabels are changing to light green.

    Postscript:

 When I was being put old scrapbooks in order, I caught the characters on my eyes. "Ministers in the air" on a yellowed newspaper written by a playwright. He says "Sexual cultures are a thought." in it. A talk of a philosopher John Lennon, and the believer. A talk of animation chapels and an aluminum bat beating to death news. He said that soon there will be people who will have no qualms about pouring gasoline on people and burning them to death.

 I was turning over the pages of a collection of poems on the day when it rains. Then I took my notice of the part, "No true smell in a word" .

    No smell of the beach in the beach.
    Even if a government says, Resident's health, first.
    No true smell in the words
    No smell of the beach in the beach
    No true smell in a word

 I remember that some writer of juvenile stories said, "First experience of a young person is to know what the one didn't know at all so far. First experience of a senior person is that the delight and the grief through the body are accompanied to a word.". I feel some irritation that I can't sense yet in the word which was written from a sense of the person who has experienced various things. I think it difficult to understand another person's words really as a sense. I know the meaning of the words which the person said. But I think that it is different from the words reaching my heart. There is often a case that the expectation doesn't match a word well. A word used to shave the expectation.

 It stopped raining in the afternoon. I rode on mountain bike and ran about the hill in neighborhood. I found a temple in the side of the hill. There is a notice, " Buddhist statue by Enku inspection day". I entered the gate. When I opened a door, Enku image was seen at the front. The face of Enku image has strange smile. It is smiling gentle faintly like Mona Lisa. When I see it from the different direction, it's making the lip warped nihilistic. It's difficult to express this mysterious smile by words. I thought there was also a shape that you can't express in words.

 I have several unforgettable words. For example,

 "You should go outside from your shell."

 "You don't seem to want to talk with other people so much. You don't ask, "Does it mean this what you said?". "

 Talking with myself and talking with others. I have to keep these balance.

 I get up, eat and clean my tooth every morning. This order doesn't change. My body is moving naturally. I change pajamas into a shirt and pants. "Good morning.", I greet on the way to the restroom. It's while I'm cleaning the tooth, that I always feel that. It's a trigger to clean the tooth. There is a day I feel nothing. Such day is slightly serious. I think, "Oh, I'm constipation.". My stomach is usually becoming heavy somehow. It's restless around the bottom. This feeling is different every day. It's pausing in front of the gate today..., still today..., knocking at the door today. It's various. This feeling (unconsciousness) may almost be left alone. But when in case of the knock, it's turn of consciousness. My consciousness pushes and returns the unconsciousness. At such time, I think my consciousness and my unconsciousness are fighting. And when I sit down in the toilet seat in the restroom, I'm defeated by unconscious myself in no time. I think unconscious and unvisible myself is strong. In case of me, there is these various fighting every day. When unconscious myself satisfied once, conscious myself can move smoothly.

 By the way, bad myself and good myself are not clear about conscious myself. Somewhat good myself and slightly bad myself are here. There is something on which good myself is fed, and there is also something on which bad myself is fed. What is it?

 It is pleasant to go to a good way. You feel comfortable because you don't make a dilemma. But there is time when you can't do that. It derives from the differential, the poverty, the jealous, the envy, and so on.

 For example. At a bakery,

"Please take out the hot biscuits in the freezer and put them on the oven plates first in the morning. Twenty biscuits on each oven plate and ninety oven plates in each luck."

 "I'm busy in the morning. I don't have such time."

 "I want to bake them at 7:30."

 "(You should come and do it on yourself.)"

 "Come a little earlier and do it please."

 "(It's not a little.)"

 "Do you hear me?"

 At such time, black cloud has begun to hang over my heart. The time when unconsciousness isn't working well is so in particular.

 "Excuse me, I'd like to take a rest tomorrow."

 "Really?"

 "Yes. I have something to do tomorrow."

 "You aren't useful. You can't trust. "

 "Excuse me."

 "You're the guy who isn't realiable."

 It'll be often such thing. It's not easy to live in this world. We have to be careful of used word and way of speaking. By the way, we often think terrorism happens at a far place. But I think its origin is such one. It's important to make unconsciousness satisfied. This is the point which doesn't make cause of terrorism. Do you think it's a frivolous opinion?

 Romanian's thinker Emile Shioran said, "A person doesn't live in a country. One lives in one's mother tongue. It is our motherland. A person grasps and recognizes the world by the mother tongue. A person can express the felt matter only in the area the word evokes. To lose a mother tongue is same as losing the country. In the world, there are many countries which have many mother tongues.

 "English and French are official language in Canada."

 "What's official language?"

 "The national mother tongue. The culture is respected."

 "Do you know what a New Zealand official language is?"

 "I know. English, Maori language and sign language."

 "Right."

 "In J"I agree." apan, is an Ainu an official language?"

 "No, because there are few people who talk."

 "I think it's a chicken or egg situation."

 "It wasn't an official language, so you think the person who speaks became little, don't you?"

 "It would be so, wouldn't it? The indigenous people are also same in Canada."

 "I'd like to make the Oosaka accent an official language."

 "Osaka people may dislike it. I bet they say "It's none of your business.""

 "I agree."

 Comedies are popular now. A theatric entertainment, Kyogen, comical story books, rakugo and comedies, they make this world a little easy to live. Someone says that weekly magazine gossip scandals are substitute things of philosophizing. It's easier to explain things simply than philosophy in a life. Surprise of discovery in others and oneself makes us feel "Certainly, I live my life now.". Even if you are living as it'll be, with thinking nothing, there are no great differences for the balance audit of your life. It sometimes rather becomes good. Some author is saying, "If you want to be optimistic, you'll be not logical, be foolish, be honest, be cheerful, be active to live, feel the existence of the invisible things, be waiting to take everything in, and hold your heart open outside."

 "Though it's not easy to live your life in this world, do you like yourself?"

 If It's so, it's OK. Even if it's not easy for you to live in this world, you can manage your life somehow.

 "As it's not easy to live my life in this world, I don't like myself."

 Even so OK. I was so, too, until I write this.

 When writing a novel, at first, you are informed that the reliable construction is necessary to the story.
There is a story which took composition for a magnificent theme like the Tale of Genji and a play(drama) like Hamlet.
On the other hand, there is something called diaries and essays. Interesting surprise is found from the matter to which daily life is preferred.
And that's noted down speculatively.

In "The Sense of Wonder" by Rachel Carson, she noted "Those who dwell, as scientist or layman, among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. Whatever the vexations or concerns of their personal lives, their thoughts can find paths that lead to inner contentment and to renewed excitement in living.".

The theme of "Heart is Skin" is "What is myself?" I wrote it from a point of view of senses. I think this "Heart is Skin" is one of the latter rather than composition emphasis. I'm happy if you'd meet one sentence which makes you feel a little surprise.

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